Trusting in God

As summer comes to a close, I find myself caught between what was and what’s next. I’m a homeschool mom, or so I was. For seven years, with one brief nine-month break, I homeschooled our youngest daughter, Gracie. This year she is off to public school. She is so excited. But what does this mean for me?

This is a question people ask me when they hear we will no longer be homeschooling. And honestly, it’s a question I have been asking myself—a lot!

What will I do with myself? What will my days look like? We will no longer walk across the hall to the classroom, sit across from each other, and start our day. I will no longer be teaching, and relearning for myself, English, Math, Science, History, and more. When I sit in the former classroom and look across the room, it will be empty.

I would be lying if I said it was okay. Because deep in my heart it isn’t. I will miss the conversations we had throughout the day. All the revelations she had when we studied something new. The conversations over Bible lessons. The cadence of my life, the life I love — gone.

I’ve cried many tears over this decision, tears come even as I write this. Don’t get me wrong, I have the peace of God. I know we are doing the right thing for this season. But it still hurts. King Solomon’s words echo in my mind, “for everything there is a season.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1 NLT).

People have said things like, “You must be so excited.” “This will be so good for her.” I paste a smile on my face and nod as I swallow the words I want to scream at them. “No, this is not great. What is so wrong about the way I’ve been teaching her?” “What about my feelings?” “Doesn’t anyone see how my life is affected?” I smile and keep my thoughts to myself ... and my husband.

Gracie and I have done almost every day of our lives together for the past seven years. I grapple with questions like, what is my purpose? I will no longer need to research the best curriculum or new teaching methods. No more planning field trips. I feel like I’ve been handed the proverbial pink slip that says, “Thank you, but your services are no longer needed.” *Sigh.

The path in front of me is also full of possibilities. I’ll have more time to write. More time to spend with friends. Should I find a job or volunteer somewhere? I can find a hundred ways to fill the hours while she’s in school. But what do I do with the emptiness in my heart? The part that I will drop off every morning. Here is where I struggle to hold it together.

These anxious thoughts can overwhelm me if I let them. But Philippians 4:6-7 (NKJV) tells us; “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

I pray to God for His peace that He will surround her with good influences and help her navigate an whole new way of learning. I thank Him that we had the past seven years together and that I'm able to be home with her in the afternoons to hear all about her day. And ask Him to help me through this transition, to serve the purpose He has for me in this new season. He will answer and give me His peace. He will guard my heart and mind. He will show me the path to take.

After all, He is the One who has carried us through the last seven years of homeschooling. He sees the tears I’ve cried. He is with me, comforting my sad heart. He has a plan for me in the days, weeks, and years ahead. I just need to trust Him as I step into the unknown.

What anxious thoughts threaten to overwhelm you today? Choose to seek God and trust that He will show you the right path to take.

Until next time,

Jenn